Friday, September 17, 2010

Common Heart Problems

Recently I read the book "Healing For The Father Wound, by H. Norman Wright.  In his book he shares common heart problems that men and women suffer from as a result of their "Fathers."  I have a strong feeling they will minister to you.  If you are a son, put he in the place of she...

The Bruised Heart – A daughter with a bruised heart feels beaten down. She feels she can never be good enough to live up to the expectations of those around her, especially her father. Much of the time she feels ashamed, fearful, and insecure. It hurts too much to try, so the fear of making a mistake or losing makes her reluctant to enter wholeheartedly into life.

She lives in survival mode, believing, “I have to look out for myself because no one else will. And if they say they will, I can’t depend on them. Withdrawing is one way to protect herself and eliminate being hurt. Often she is very sensitive, and at times despair and hopelessness are her companions.

A woman with a bruised heart came into being because she didn’t receive approval, validation, sufficient attention, or support from important people in her life. Either her father didn’t know how to give this, made it conditional, wasn’t around to give it, or chose not to give it. And these four crucial elements (approval, validation, attention, support) become like a quest to such a daughter. Often the way she goes about trying to find these is unhealthy, creating other problems for her, or she self-sabotages her efforts.

Jesus Christ is the answer for a The Bruised Heart - He heals the broken-hearted ; and binds up their wounds (Psalms 147:3)

The Performance Heart – This is a heart problem that at first glance doesn’t appear to be a problem. It belongs to the daughter who drives herself to be the best in whatever it is that she does. The fear of failure and disappointment is her driving force. For some it’s the message to her father, “I’ll show you. I can be successful. I can be the best. You didn’t give me what I needed, so I’ll get it myself.” And to add to the feelings of inadequacy, she’s selective in her search for approval. Often she seeks only those with status, who can validate how well she’s done. What drives a daughter in this way? Doubt. Feelings of inadequacy. The I-don’t measure-up-in-the-eyes-of-my-dad-syndrome. She invests her identity in how well she performs, with the thought drumming through her mind, “I can and I will do it.” Unfortunately, this heart has to continually do more and perform better in order to be valued.

Jesus would say, “It’s not necessary.” He values you for who you are. It’s not based on your performance. God does not love you for what you do…..You can’t perform well enough in anything to earn His love. God both wants you to say and enables you to say, “It’s all right that I’m not perfect. God sees me perfect in Christ. I don’t have to prove anything to my father. He isn’t the ultimate judge of my value.”

Jesus Christ is the answer for the Performance Heart - “knowing that a man is not justified by the works of the law but by faith in Jesus Christ” (Galatians 2:16a)

The Harden Heart – I’ve seen hearts that are hard – like concrete. This problem is a clear sign of tremendous hurt in the father-daughter relationship. In this case a daughter has been hurt so much by life that she shuts down emotionally and cuts herself off from her heart. She thinks, “If you feel, you hurt, so block the feelings-stuff them.” The one emotion she allows herself to feel is anger and it comes out quite strongly. Often the approval and protection she wanted as a child never came, and that disappointment produced the hurt in her. But this daughter can learn that disappointments are a part of life. God is the author of feelings, and it’s all right to experience the entire range of emotions. God is there to assist us in whatever our feelings might be. Rather than stuff them, she has to come to terms with what happened and accepts her hurt as a legitimate response to her experience. Only then can she begin to heal and feel her heart soften.

Jesus Christ is the answer to a Hardened Heart - For we have become partakers of Christ if we hold the beginning of our confidence steadfast to the end, while it is said: “Today, if you will hear His voice, do not harden your hearts as in the rebellion. (Hebrews 3:14, 15)

The Addicted Heart – is another hurting heart. It’s a heart that latches onto people, activities, substances, and food, anything that will cover the hurt inside. Everything is done in excess in order to cover the disappointments of life. But unfortunately it doesn’t work. It’s a substitute that doesn’t live up to its promises. The hurts and the hole are still there. Its attempt to cope fails. It’s an escape that leads back to prison. The neediness can only be satisfied when the love and message of Jesus – “You’re alright” – finds a home in your heart.

Jesus Christ is the answer for an Addicted Heart - For everyone practicing evil hates the light and does not come to the light, lest his deeds should be exposed. But he who does the truth comes to the light, that his deeds may be clearly seen, that they have been done in God.” (John 3:20, 21)

If you identify with any of these hearts, don't just read them and claim them; while they may be truth, they are not who you are in Christ. Shed the "old nature" by resolving today that you will not live in the past, but the present. Let's make every moment count, and love our children unconditionally.... It's important for fathers, to never break your children's spirit or heart; they need your approval and love to be successful; and to survive in this often cruel world...

Rev Daina House